Jokes & Proverbs
Trini Jokes
THINGS MY TRINI MOTHER TAUGHT ME
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING. "Yuh go get ah good cut ass when we get home!"
My Mother taught me CONSEQUENCES. "If yuh run across de road an' ah car lick yu dong, ah goin' kill yuh wid licks."
My Mother taught me THE VALUE OF EDUCATION. "If yuh doh go to school, yuh go pick up garbage on de street."
SIMPLE FRIEND VS. REAL FRIEND VS. TRINI FRIEND
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A TRINI FRIEND CAUSE DE DAMN TEARS IN DE FIRST PLACE
Jamaican Jokes
HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU IS NO LONGER A JAMAICAN
Yuh cyan't take even "slight" pepper in yuh curry goat .......
Yuh start "hengin' out" instead of jamming'....
Yuh not usin' expressions like "Ay boy", "Yeah", "Orright", "Cool nuh" and "Eh-eh" with every other sentence.
THINGS MY JAMAICAN MOTHER TAUGHT ME
My Mother taught me HUMOR. "If yu don't eat food, breeze going blow yu 'way."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS. "Yu just like yu fadda."
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE. "When yu get to be as old as me, you will understand."
Guyanese Jokes
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A GUYANESE WHEN
Yu go to the International House of Pancakes to look for Dhal and Roti.
Yu and ya buddy dem a fight and yo mama tell yu “yu rang an strang.”
Yu invite your gurl friend for a date at da cinema and she bring da whole family.
Yu turn up at the wedding, uninvited, eat up the food, drink up the booze and make a spectacle of yourself.
Yu ask for a buckta instead of under wear.
HOW JAGDEO KNEW HE WAS IN GUYANA
Baptizing The Drunk
By Asif De Rebel
Balgobin who is always drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the Corentyne river, performed by some white man pastor, who came to Guyana on a "crusade".
Balgobin proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
Balgobin looks back and says, "Yes sir , meh ready fa find am."
Guyanese The Religion
NOTE : It's written in pure Guyanese, so read aloud to get it. If anything here offends you, by all means bang your head against the wall a few times to show your disapproval.
By Asif de Rebel
1. God : Thou can only worship wan god, he name Jagan. If yuh drunk, you can worship someone else, like a cricketer or somebady, but he muss be Guyanese and mek plenty runs.
2. Diet : Thou shud eat everything in e curry form. Yuh can only bruk dis
Jamaican Proverbs
Mi come here fi drink milk, mi noh come here fi count cow". A reminder to conduct business in a straightforward manner.
The higher the monkey climbs the more him expose". A truly comic image if you've ever been to the zoo, and comforting to any of us whose backs have been used as a stepping-stone for someone else's success.
You too red eye", Meaning, you're too envious.
Me bleach hard lass night", I partied straight through the night.
Coo pon dat bwoy", "Look at that boy"
Guyanese Proverbs
Monkey dress e pickney (child) till he spoil. (Don’t try to over do something, keep it simple.)
Yuh can’t suck cane and blow whistle. (Do not try to carry out two tasks at the same time.)
Youth nah ah weary but he ah fall down. (When you are young you carry much burden, but as you get older you can take on only little responsibility.)
Yuh tel tara and tara tell tara. (When you tell a friend a secret soon everyone knows because your friend will tell another friend.)